she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
