I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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