You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
