i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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