Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
COCAINE IS GR8
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