i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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