i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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