fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
