I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
