Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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