you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize