Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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