Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize