He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
