Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
