i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
