What did we do last night that was yellow?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
