Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
