my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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