i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize