Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
