She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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