I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
