i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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