i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
