Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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