So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
