Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
