Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think people are normalizing furries
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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