You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize