The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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