yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
