I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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