Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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