While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
