I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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