my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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