Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
