youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
