I like to think it a success when the cops are called
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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