Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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