Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
