Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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