just tell him i said nine months
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize