That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
