I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
