If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
