I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh god it's open bar.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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