Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
