Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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