and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
