I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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