I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
