I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
