I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
