watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
