he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
