dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
