the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
