you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
